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This 30-minute podcast by Brene Brown about “over-” and “under-” functioning in response to anxiety really spoke to me because I am a major overfunctioner. In the face of this pandemic, I’m running 10 miles per day and I’ve been working like a madman. All of this despite my “calm” practice. Here’s some of the points made by Brene during the podcast:

– Anxiety is one of most contagious emotions. It spreads like wildfire in small or large groups. Rarely a function of individuals, it’s one of groups. Hard not to spread if one person becomes anxious.

– We all have habitual ways of dealing with anxiety. Our coping mechanisms typically are formed when we were kids. We become either over- or under-functioners. Overfunctioners micromanage rather than look inward. Underfunctioners become less competent or irresponsible.

– The good news is that if we can recognize what we are, we can find deep truths about who we are so that we can change. We can name our shame triggers – which will relate to whether we are over- or under – about unwanted identities. Tackle our patterned ways of dealing with anxiety.

– There is anecdotal evidence that birth order in a family might create a tendency for whether you are over- or under. First borns tend to be over. Last borns tend to be under. It’s how our families functioned. The oldest kids are taught to keep younger ones safe.

– Try to change this learned behavior. Be more vulnerable in the face of anxiety. Work to develop a calm practice so don’t fall into those patterns. Brene defines calm as perspective, mindfulness and ability to manage emotional reactivity. Here are ways to develop a calm practice:

1. Be slow to respond. Do I have all the information I need? A panicked response often is due to a lack of data.

2. Stay mindful that a panicked response produces more panic and fear. Plus there is the contagion factor. For example, the most effective teachers tend to be the calm ones as the students mirror neurons and match the teacher’s level of intensity.

3. Breathing slowly and deliberately.

4. Name over/under functioning when you notice it happen. Train your loved ones to call you on it.

5. Ask yourself: “will freaking out help even if I have enough data” The answer is always “no.”